Oh, here’s a topic that I duel with on a daily basis: the discipline to laser focus and finish the things I start.
No matter what it is—fanfictions, client jobs, websites, DIY ideas, photo projects, daily chores, etc., you name it, I am the opposite of a completionist (is this an actual word?) and it fucking sucks.
There, I admitted it. Now, maybe I can begin to turn this ugly pattern around on its ugly, stupid head and make something of myself!
This is nothing new though, and the people closest to me can verify it with embarrassingly accurate precision. But like all the others things that make me me, this too is one of them; while it is a fact that I battle against it everyday, I also embrace the times in which I don’t, the times where the fight falls out of me and I do nothing about it.
These are the days where nothing gets done, days where there are dishes stacked high in the sink, the floors need mopping, the carpets need vacuuming and all I do is NOT that. Because that’s the mindset I fall into and instead of feeling guilty and berating myself mentally about all the things I should be doing, I just go with it. I let it happen.
Those are what we like to call “off days.” Gym rats will understand this but from a slightly different point of view. Also to note: I’d like to be a gym rat in the future, but that’s a blog for another day.
These self-excused days from hashtag-adulting are infrequent, yes, but they also serve as a rest day for the inner fighter. I can’t war with the to-do list 24/7 and not succumb to some form of side effect, no? So I allow the one day a week* where fuckall gets done and that’s that.
For the sake of this blog however, I’d like to examine why this is a thing at all—why I was born with an innate ability to start amazing things yet never see them through to their finish line. Why I battle with the concept of “finishing what you start” to begin with and how it affects other facets of life.
Unlike the majority of things mentioned on the blog thus far, I can’t pinpoint an exact moment in time where I ceased placing the importance upon finishing a thing. To split hairs: I’ve completed grade school and high school—I’ve turned in projects, wrapped weddings and tidied up design jobs, but that’s because I legally had to. Not to say I didn’t want to finish a client’s wedding/album, because I always love doing that, but the other stuff was a must finish lest it become an *or else *kind of situation.
Perhaps I’ve cracked the code, my lovelies? Perhaps it’s a solid, legal deadline I require in order to light a fire under my big ass! Hooray! We’ve solved it. Blog over.
Kidding. And …not really.
The idea that I am bound by contracts or laws definitely helps when it comes time to tie up loose ends and see a job through to its end. But what about the other stuff? The fanfictions I’ve poured my soul and endless hours into? The photo projects that would make me a well-known artist if only I simply…did the fucking thing. Or the home improvements I’m more than capable of handling, and WANT to do, but never seem to get around to doing. Or how about that best selling novel I’ve already started to pen? How about completing that?
How about *all *of the above?
To be honest, it breaks my heart to see it all in writing, but it is simultaneously empowering me; if I want a certain thing enough, it can and will happen, I’ve always believed that to be true. More so the older I get.
And I do so long to meet Mark Hamill and the easiest way I could do that, aside from spending thousands on conventions (I’ll do this anyway) is to be known for something. Like say, a best selling author. wink
Okay my fantasy got away from me there for a minute, but still, the facts remain: if I put the work in, the goals and dreams can come true. No guessing games, no perpetually unlucky bullshit, no wondering if I’m good enough or fitting in or what have you (side effects to never finishing things!). If I do it, it gets done. And the reward for that will be immeasurable.
You know that feeling when you finish something you put all of yourself into—that ridiculously thrilling rush of “I…I have created fire!” Tom Hanks from Cast Away moment? It’s pure gold.
And I seek more of this, or rather I want this on a much larger scale than what it’s been for the last decade or so of my life. I want to write novels for a living, travel as a photographer/blogger and hastily scribble about all the crazy beautiful things I’ll see doing this.
I want to meet my #HamillHarem ladies who live all over Europe (primarily in the UK though!) and high five in REAL time whenever we get a @Hamillhimself like.
And I long for all of this so badly that I started a blog to crawl my way up and into the world, one word at a time.
It thrills me—every time I complete one of these entries, a tiny private party of one starts discoing inside of my brain. Because I’m consciously acknowledging that I’ve already surpassed what I thought I’d accomplish with The Wild Collective and still, it’s growing more and more everyday.
Sure TWC is in its infancy yet, but it’ll get there. I’m putting my heart and soul and time and effort into it. And I believe–I believe so deeply in it that failure isn’t an option. Not this time.
The Wild Collective may not be a legal binding contract with me versus I, but my aim is to complete and carry it on for as long and as far as I’m able. Funny thing too, I find that I’m inspiring myself to finish the things I start by, you guessed it, finishing the things I’ve started.
Interesting cycle, innit?
Discussion: Do you struggle with finishing the things you start? How to you combat the laziness or lackluster effect that takes control when you’ve reached a certain point in a task? I’d love to hear how you deal with this, if ever!