A little over a year ago I had the idea to start this blog. The name popped into my head laying in bed one night and I immediately shot up, bought the domain and that was that.
For months, that was that. I didn’t do anything with the site and the idea remained unused, dusted over and dormant. Until my very good friend helped fan the idea to life. I owe her a lot, but she knows that. She suggested I ‘get it up and posted, content and perfection be dammed.’ “Done is better than perfect,” were her actual words, if memory serves me right. So I did. And I threw myself into it wholeheartedly, both feet touching down simultaneously. I wrote regularly and went out to shoot new images, developing my style and eye just a little bit beyond itself the longer I explored. And I loved every second of it.
I felt like I was growing, that I was changing things outside as well as inside and it was good. Everything was really, really good. And that lasted for eight months straight. And then I …stopped. Just completely stopped.
But I didn’t stop. I started writing for my wedding photography blog and editing thousands of photos from the last seven years of shooting, posting more content than I ever have and getting myself out there. There was one inevitable casualty though: this blog paid the price and silence was the cost. It took second place, second best, abandoned. Well, outwardly it appeared that way.
Inwardly I was kicking myself for not producing meaningful content and for letting it sit, appearing forgotten and bypassed. Inwardly I was blaming it on my lack of time; between working for my photography business, working as a virtual assistant for my very successful friend, kickstarting a new pop culture blog, writing fanfiction, recording podcasts(!) and being a decent mom and partner, things were bound to fall to the wayside. It doesn’t make the slip any less steep or scary though, and that’s why I’ve returned.
I believe in that saying, “you make time for the things (& people) that matter.” And this blog *matters *to me. It always will. It’s my digital diary for all intents and purposes and to let it go is not something I’m willing to do. So I’m changing it up, making time even if I feel as though there *isn’t *enough of it. There is. Always.
I also want to shift my aesthetic a bit to reflect my current day surroundings; though this blog will ultimately end up being a travel/lifestyle pod for all things related to “my life,” right now I can’t afford to do a lot of tangible wandering and that’s **okay. **I have priorities and deadlines and a child in elementary school. I can’t galavant the globe …*yet. *
I will, one day. I’ll visit my friends in the United Kingdom, travel to the places my ancestors were born (Italy, Germany, Ireland), see sunsets in Africa and taste the ice in Iceland. I’ll stand on the cusp of the Grand Canyon and be unafraid because when I’m there, that’s where I’m meant to be. But not yet. There are things that must happen first – time and money most importantly but a shedding of fear above all else. The fear to envision myself in these places as reality versus the fantasy of now. The fear of success – I’ve held myself back for a decade but I’m not frightened anymore.
I want that bestselling book, I want that gallery showing. I want 100k Instagram followers. I *want *to be considered a top choice and not just someone’s backup or a second thought. There is so much, so very much out there. And I’ve been so afraid of it. Afraid of seeing myself in that great unknown.
I’m ready now. I’m ready, I’m ready. I’m ready.
Wish me luck?