Day 19: Discuss your first love.

My first love, oh jeez. This is kind of a weighty subject, and not just because of the “who wants to revisit that time in their life again?” but more because of how long our on and off relationship actually was. It spanned from 2002 – 2007 (-ish. Explain later).

First, I’m not naming names, because I don’t want to. But I will say that I met him when I was 18 years old and he was the ex-boyfriend of my best friend. She ended up dating *his *best friend shortly after she introduced me to AF (not my A, but different one) and so the doors were officially opened for me to “do it up” should I want to date said guy. And I did. I like him a lot, right from the morning we met. Which I’ve always believed was something that sort of…was supposed to happen.

See, my best friend, L, called me one morning around 7 am. Now back when I was 18 years old, I worked full time and slept late on the weekends, as teenagers do. BUT it was in the time before cell phones had only vibrate so my ringer jarred me awake and I groggily answered her call. L said that her other friend dropped out of a day trip to Hersheypark and wanted to know if I was interested in snagging her ticket. I asked what time I should be ready by, and she said, “Um, like an hour we’d be there?” Which was 8 am. I *never *woke up that early but I sprang right up, showered, shaved (because bathing suits and boys) and then packed a bag for the day.

The three of them showed up at 8 am on the dot in AF’s car – a teal Pontiac Grand Am that I thought was just *the best. *LOL, oh how silly our opinions can be when we’re young. Anyway, I hopped into the back seat and we set off for the 1.5 hour ride to the theme park. I sat with L while AF and his best friend NA were up front. L was dressed in this lovely yellow sundress, intentionally trying to make AF jealous that he broke up with her a few months back. But N started taking a liking to L, and she to him, and the rest as they say, was history.

NA and L were joined at the hip 90% of the day from the second I flopped into that car. The other 10% of NA’s time was spent when he and I went on certain rides together – the two of us got along smashingly from the start. It was a mutual friendship for NA and I, as though we had been friends in a another lifetime. Side note: I haven’t seen or spoken to NA in almost about 12 years now and it breaks my heart every once and awhile when I think of this. He was a great person to me and a really lovely boyfriend to my best friend …until he cheated on her and they broke up about 3 years after that car ride. Never heard from him again after that. Guess it was just me who thought we were buddies, huh?

Anyway! That day was great and from there; AF pursued me like all teenage boys (or girls) do, by making jokes, chatting it up and so on. It was embarrassing at first, how much he chased. But endearing all the same. Eventually I gave in after L reassured me for the 100th time that she didn’t care (she was long with NA by then!). And so we started this crazy up and down – lots of downs for the most part – for the next 5 years. Which seemed to go *so slow. *I still think it feels more like 10 years, but hey, that’s relativity for you and all that.

Anyway, we officially started dating in my 19th birthday and things were…rocky from the start. He was the most non-committal, showboating ladies man I had ever met up to that point. But I saw the root cause of it and thought “maybe I could be the one?” He was one of those guys who came from a broken home and never knew what it was to be *in love *and so I wanted to show him that. And I did. To get deeply personal: I was AF’s first. He was not mine, lol. And we were in love, there’s no doubt about this in my mind. Yet as much as I always thought it would work out, he was just too…volatile. And I, myself, am also volatile so it was a dangerous combination.

To make a long, LONG sad story short, he played every game with my heart, changed the very core of who I was; reveling in the fact that he broke emotions I never thought could be broken. Sometimes, even still, I’m not sure I ever recovered all of me from that particular hurricane. It’s kind of sad saying that, and I’m shortening the story by leaps and bounds and bibles worth of information. But…he wasn’t a good guy to or for me. Even hit me once. So, that tells you all you need to know, I suppose.

If you’re wondering if I found retribution for that physical slap (he slap-pushed my forehead, knocking my glasses off. Not a punch, but enough force to make me and our group of friends gasp…and I fumed, and went after him, but he slipped into his classroom before I could reach him – this was during college), I did. I won’t say how, but I did.

My current A and I actually separated close to a year into our relationship because AF came bounding back into my life. It was an incredibly tough time. I knew what I felt for both but…history is hard to usurp and it confused me, leaving A and I apart for about three months. Luckily I came to my senses and made the right decision, wishing AF a happy life to go off and enjoy one of my own. Since then, I haven’t seen or spoken to him since 2007. 10 whole years.

I know you don’t know how abridged all of the above is, but just know the dramatics of it could be a best selling novel or movie, if I ever decided to put to pen the start to finish to that first love story of mine. I’ll stop now because memory lane has come to its conclusion and some things still sting to look back on. No matter how happy and fulfilled your current life is.

Day 19: Donzo. That was personal but I hope it finds its way to anyone in the midst of a similar storm. You can weather it and find the one that deserves *you. *