Day 8: Share something your struggle with.

Just *one *thing? Well, okay. I guess if I’m going right for the heart, I’ll say willpower/discipline. With all things. I have a great hard time with saying no to a lot of people in my life but especially myself.

Examples: No, I don’t need that chocolate donut, no I don’t need to read until 3 am when I have to wake at 7. No, I shouldn’t have a cheeseburger at Movie Tavern *again. *But I always think, “oh, you’ll walk it off later,” or “I’ll definitely go to the gym because consuming 1200 calories on one meal is just not healthy at all.” And of course I don’t go to the gym because LOOK, Netflix released blah blah season, or I need to write two chapters for my fic. Of course I do those things because SURPRISE, they’re easier.

But I have to flip this struggle into a mirrored version of itself: Instead of having a hard time saying no to poor food choices or no to visiting the gym, I’d rather struggle with too much gym time or buying too many pairs of exercise capris. I’d rather eat too many grapes and miss dinner than worry about whether or not I’ve written my 500+ words for this blog on any given day. Not to say that this blog is lesser of a priority than the gym, but my health should always, always come first, and sadly it just doesn’t at the moment. I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight the last year and a half, too, and I know it’s from a combination of work, writing and too much social media. So I need to dial a lot of that back (sans work) as well. No, Twitter, I don’t need to fangirl every second of every day. I don’t ***need*to do that.

It’s funny though, last night I was having a tough time falling asleep because I knew this was today’s prompt; it wasn’t difficult on account of my knowing I’d have to share a deeply-seeded fear but rather, it was a nervous energy emanating from tip to toe – I was ready to admit to this huge character flaw on a very public platform. And change because of it. I’m prepared. And not just in writing, but in living it. I’ve gone and found Instagram accounts with food and meal preparation info and ways to make the non-cooker (yours truly) a decent, or passable, chef. Because that’s the hurdle – not just the no’s, but the time commitment it’ll take to learn how to be a better cook and not rush to fill my starving belly because I’ve waited too long to eat. Again.

So yes, my struggle is the word ‘no’ and how often I use it when I know, I *know, *I shouldn’t. On the opposite side of that spectrum, I’ve said say yes to a lot of things I’m wholly convinced I shouldn’t have said it to. People, events, responsibilities, etc., because GOD FORBID I MAKE SOMEONE MAD AT ME. It’s silly, I know. My mother always said, “If they get mad, they’ll get glad.” And she’s right. People will get mad at you (me) and then they’ll get over it, just like I do with most people in my life. Because that’s how it goes – no one is perfect. People unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt you and care not for the repercussions but more so for their own benefits almost every time. But if you recognize the ones that do this to you (me), you can stop saying yes – or no – to them and learn a whole new side to yourself. I’ve been getting better with my yes’s and no’s with others, but still have an uphill battle when it comes to me.

Day 8: done. What are you currently struggling with? What keeps you up at night that you’d like to share in the hopes of changing that?