The one-hundredth blog. A blogging milestone, I believe I can call this, yes? After going back and forth on how best to do a recap, I decided a short and sweet peek through the last 99 blogs would be the best way to go. Not because I don’t love writing – y’all know I do – but because it would take *ages *to go through individual posts and talk a little bit about each one. Besides, if you’re here, you’ve likely been through or browsed enough entries to get a feel of what I typically tend to write.
Let’s dive in shall we?
I’ve covered a wide berth of topics – from fandom to failure, heartache to hearteyes, from depression to determination. And in each blog post, I’ve found a bit more of myself; found ways to circumvent the lies my mind whispers to make it through the worst of times, or the placating pep talks to keep me afloat on even the best of days.
See, it’s about balance and understanding; knowing how to temp my eager mind, coaxing creativity and inspiration without releasing the beasts of doubt and inferiority. And since the lines between each are so faded and worn down, it may very well take 1,000 more entries to fully understand that, no, I will *never *have control over the situations I desire to have it the most with. I will never fully grasp why people have and continue to brush me off or lie and betray my trust. I will never ever get why good things happen only to inevitably die a slow, sad death. I simply will not. Because my [cursed] innate sense of optimism and positivity is always there, bringing up the rear and ensuring that maybe, just *maybe, *tomorrow will be better.
This website is proof of everything I’ve been writing just now, but I’m veering and it’s time to course correct.
100 Blogs, right.
So, I’ve written on some of my favorite actors and movies, tv shows, apps, books and music. I’ve done a thirty day challenge that nearly murdered my writers brain (so much so that I still feel the affects from it to this day, no matter how ridiculous that may read). I’ve started and stopped a novel once mentioned a long while ago but still a thing I aspire to complete and sell one of these days. Oh, ever the dreamer. I’ve also yammered on and on about bettering oneself and changing and yet, haven’t done much in the way of listening to my own words and doing the thing I set out to do. Ahh, life.
I’ve written visually centric blogs on photography and even a yearly wrap-up that altered the relationship I share with someone I care deeply for. I learned from this silence and their drifting away that it’s fine to share everything…except for matters of the heart. And it’s true, my words are heavy and my heart is visible but if that’s too much, then maybe so am I. Because I will not rescind or regret a moment more being an authentic, honest, real human being. If you have boxes that I don’t fit into, then perhaps I’m best left outside of it.
Life is too fucking short.
I’ve also written “life is too fucking short” endlessly on this blog and I do not apologize for that either.
All in all, this site, this home, has metamorphosed into a platform where I am free to share my soul. This wild, uncontrollable thing that is uniquely my own, much like this digital space that’s been crafted over the last one hundred postings. Crafted into a tell-all, or …a mostly-tell-all. I do actually keep secrets. I’m good at that. ?
In the end, I hope, if you’ve hung around long enough, that you’ve found something here worth giving a damn about. Something that’s resonated or moved you, something that’s made you question the questions or take a good long look at yourself. Something that you’ve enjoyed or laughed at, or even got a little upset with me about. I just …I just want you to feel. Something, anything, everything.
Because I care that you do that – Feel. I want people to feel more and share it. I want people to understand that having emotions is a good fucking thing. That feeling and seeing and being present in the time we have is all that we can do. It may not make life easy or better, but I’d rather go through every one of these torments again than risk the alternative.
So, will I see you for the next 100?